A chain in another chain

What was carved to relieve pain now serves more hedonistic purposes... how momentary ideas seem to affect every touch and conversation... up to the very writings fingers will leave to the posterity...

To receive more than you give seems unreachable. To receive as much as you give... is that happiness? Why be happy? It never lasts, it always wants more... digs a hole that demands to be filled... 

To give more than to receive... how noble. But does one really? "You'll feel good if you help. Help to go to heaven. If you help, the world will be a better place." NO! Maybe my world will be a better place, but the world entire will hate and despise me.

People do not need help nor machines. We need constant lessons. Can you not see? How computers steal our concepts of nature, of natural, of beauty and of rigour? We demand our minds to be taught and entertained, we criticize, we're afraid to the point of fear...

People need lessons. Cruelty can be sublime... for how often we have come to respect the disabled... the diseased... all the victims of cruel environments. We should be jealous of them... for if we have come to respect them... it is becuase the cruelty around them is always teaching them...

And what do I have? Bathing in comfort... growing a weak trunk for there are no winds to try and tear it down and force it to grow stronger. I have had it. The lack of cruelty is even more cruel.

Hedonistic happiness is easy to achieve... but to always give more and allow the world to give nothing back... that is Godly. And it WON'T lead to happiness. This way leads to strength and adaptation, imposing respect... but pain nonetheless. 

Change drives evolution... we young spirits perceive the laws of physics and our lifetime goals as an ultimate trophy... but this poor old Earth has seen so many of us... a second if we are to stand in her shoes... we would start looking far beyond the almost inexistent length of our puny lives. To give more than to receive is to leave your aspirations behind and work towards the continuity of life... isn't that all that matters? Continuity...

God... I do not know. Everytime I feel sure I remind myself that certainty obstructs learning. I really... do NOT know. I am afraid, and I don't know. 

But I will stop looking in the mirror... and in everything that reflects the present or the past. I will be a vector for change, just to ensure that the ones that come before me will at least manage to ask themselves the things I am frightened about.

Please... I am a man... just a man among men... with nothing more or less... worthy of nothing more or less... please hold my hand... or else I'll turn my back in rejection and vulnerability... 
I am just a man.

Popular posts from this blog

Years ago...

Fairly large an empty hall with two satin seats. You were on my right, leaned back against your own vertical spine, I was as well. You were watching the show from afar, seemingly attentive but rightfully distant. With the corner of my eye I was observing your every twist. Your torso twitching, in spasms of emotions, I took note of each and every one. I loved living through your breaths, having completely forgotten about the show in front of us. Distant... frigid.  I could have almost reached you, but my nerves were caught tangled in versions of what could be, whose instant happiness guarded our skin from ever meeting. Perhaps it's in the pain of having lost a battle. What drove me on my knees with my guitar in my hands screaming "Scorch" to the tip of my lungs. As i lay in bed that night, pain overgrew me, consumed me, i had no wall. Neither did I wish to have. Now I can recall my body twitching with your same spasms of emotion. I borrowed your sublime I could not rea
Read more

Heroic Forget-me-nots

That harmonic struck just when the tram hit the rails. The restless phone call has yet to end, and my security has yet to be renewed. My first programme lies waiting for the world to see... But it's not finished yet. Phone call ends and the sun sets. Sunset colors... one of the last things to allow me to act like a normal person. I've grown wrinkles under my mask, it's time to let the wind straighten the old paperfolds threefold. When he comes home, he won't be noticing me. I'd be left a discontinued spike in his eternal timeline, I guess I should apologize. Even so, it all appears melodic, with just a mellow touch of reverb from the chamber of crimson walls and biology books. The tram hasn't passed in a while. I wonder if it's still up to get me... But it won't matter. If I don't get to live forever, at least the answers I long for will take me to my end. Answers are really all I need, confirmed over and over and over again. Actually it's jus
Read more

I wish I could keep writing forever

I am angry now. Really angry now. Been swearin for 10 minutes. Not good. Need help. Need work. Guilt, I feel guilt. But I'm angry. paralyzingly angry. Or something. Will not succumb. Prison. Angry. Need relief. Cannot find. Won't lash. Need people. Do not bother. I am angry.
Read more