And one more thing

Fell on black, rugged days. Fell on sticks and clogged gears. Fell on my own cochlea, my knees burst.
No spine, no back, no legs and some tuning pegs
No dime, no rhyme, no sense if what it could mean.
It lost it all, weeks ago, when the sun set and she fell in love. It lost it all along with myself, myself undergoing a blackwater skallywag of an aching storm. Nameless pain. My limbic brain collpases under melatonine induced life withdrawal. I crawl along my own cracks, i shiver my hands away and i keep looking up.
Monotone rings in my, now torn to shreds, recluse of a mind. The schafolding fell, the gratefulness consumed, i gave in to my life console.
A  master made of teenage teeming desire to fit in and derive meaning and reward. Conscious mistake, gushing through my veins like adrenaline.
My pupils vanished in bleach. Sweet caress. The numbness

I look up to you. You're the only thing i have left. My support, my helping hand, my mother, my sword and shield, my plural, my whole, my lifeful marriage. I gawk in your eyes of rushed lack of caring.
You are happy somewhere else. I am not coming with you. I do not belong there. I do not seek the same as you.
I'll be my own pebble of solitude. Many pebbles i cannot see. You blinded me when you took me by the hand. Your hand is sticky and it tastes of unborn.
Go psychotic on yourself and die happily addicted to yourself.

Get out of me, I belong with the people. You are not human anymore... deamon, fright, obsession. Get out of my house!

Actually have my house. It is yours now. I will wonder away. I will crawl under a bigger pebble and watch you burn all i longed and built.
You deserve it... you fought hard for it.
You taught me all the wrong lessons so that i could cuss my own house. You vintage liar...
If i can't even trust a part of myself...
I'll come back one day.
And i will be grateful that you showed up.
I'll feed you and let you sleep.
And when you sleep, i will throw you out.

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