Trees that wear hats

We exploit fish by using their instinct to eat. Similarly, economies feed on our instinct to acquire and establish comfort. Except there is a difference, for the fish do not influence our thinking... but economy generally thinks the way we do. It is not a superior colonial organism, since not all of us want the economy to grow. It is rather group intuition. That was a general thing. My numbness seems to be provoked by a lack of care for the self. Why do we so easily develop mental pathways that quickly become fixated and cyclicly misfire? Isn't it amazing how the mind is able to quickly process complex logical pathways that underly frustration and fear, without it being brought to the conscious? Perhaps sometimes we just so badly require a renewal of self that any lack of care for the mind leads to an inevitable spiral towards unending interior conflict. Or perhaps the desire for attention, fear of rejection and other social impairments just occupy so much of our "ape-d...

We live through watching energy fade. So, we stand by fuel as it burns. We comfort in the heat, only to give it away. Do we see others as fuel? Age of enclosure, of recycling pain and comfort. Words fade quickly, mistery multiplies.  The tired mind of a a mouth stuck with the idea of the original between everything that's already been said. To innovate, negate, to develop, build not upon. Words are meaningless. You will care not for them, for they won't satisfy anything in you. It takes to much just to burn like fuel. Oh, but don't you see, the mean will take your heat without you even knowing. You could have been merciful, now you're being robbed.

The army of water strikes. Few snowflakes remain intact. The rest just make the colors wither. Effort rewarded with pain. Pain followed by serenity. Pitches rise and rise. Drop, rise, drop, rise, rise. The world lives through its limits and heartfelt disasters. To be alive is to run away from something. It is nice, it is all that it needs to be. A known tune. To tease the skin or the mind? Who knows, really rely?

To be almost extinct, and have no contribution to your own survival. But nonetheless be yourself and be loved solely for it. To long for the outside to offer what you cannot provide to your inner world. To be afraid of eternal solitude. To endlessly give, with the hope of being given.. Stuck at an infinite between two extremes that converge. More can only do more harm, less can mean damnation. Equilibrium is a curse in of itself. What remains is what God always wanted us to achieve. Nothing through access to it all, enlessly give and be given, for it means nothing but the same thing. To say too much and say nothing.

Crisis overcome. Vow of silence. Challenges going strong. Lost feeling of anger, at least as I am writing. I again choose the easier path. Still determined. The world seems harsh at my throat. Judged for everything that could be. Comfort in memories and dreams only. Cultivating discipline. Anger lingers. Mind feels lighter. I need work, I shall. Moving on. As the world caves in, spirit explodes and blows up the outside.

With nothing, to become everything. An exercise of discipline, with its start in every moment, with no end in sight, ever. To overcome genes, habits, predispositions, anxiety, frustration, peer pressure and angst. To analyze the developement of one's psyche, constantly. To improve and build upon. To save a life so it can save more. To manage to make up for mistakes, lies and mishaps. To reward giving hands and give more. To solve more than to cause. To know and explore. Day 0: there is nothing good.